No on California Proposition 8

This is a subject that I haven't broached at all because I'm aware of how few readers I actually have, and how few of those few are in California.

But this is important, especially now, as the time for the vote approaches, and Mormons from out of state are pouring money into the hateful attempt to illegalize gay marriages that were just made legal. It is a pandering end-run to try to whip up fear, and the religious right has not been above outright lies and confusion, belying their claim to Jesus as Master.

Defeat them. Show them the USA still has some value, because as soon as the fundamentalists take over, this will cease to be a great land, and become a Third World nation, as always happens to theocracies.

If that doesn't sway you, vote against it for IT, for all the others who've made this committment in love and responsibility. Please, for God's sake, please vote down Proposition 8. It is now All Saints' and Sunday is All Souls' - think of the living saints and souls as well as those who've gone on.

Don't let the witness be one of hate and despair. Don't let the soothing words of oily "traditionalists" convince you you're doing the right, the loving thing, when you know in your heart you aren't.

Follow all the Pro-Proposition 8 lies and confusion here.

For those not in California, there's still time to donate and help out here, or click the banner on this thread.

Please . . . don't let us fall into darkness.

A Belated Happy Halloween!

You Are All My Blessings

All my closest friends and best supporters are farthest away (though James has a car now . . . Huzzah!)

For people like me, the internet gives the distance to be open. I can say things to you that I couldn't, to my own family and fellow parishioners. You've listened, and stepped over that distance to give warmth and love.

Thank you.

I am a weak, self-pitying man: please, keep reminding me of my blessings.

Love,

Mark

Anthem For Duncan and Pals Communion Inc.

Suitable for all "orthodox" Anglican occasions!

Well, Folks, It's Really Bad

I received a reply to my objection to the Administrative Wage Garnishment:

They're going to proceed with taking 15% of my pay until all 12,000-something of it's paid off.

James, who is my dearest friend and much of a guru to me, because of his strength and ability to navigate life successfully and cheerfully, has assured me this is a challenge I can rise to, that I can do whatever it takes, moving, starting over, getting a second job. I love him for his faith in me, but he isn't a 40-year-old depressive. I don't think I can do it. I know that it's a struggle for me to just get through the 40 hours a week of one job, and to keep myself together emotionally in a familiar and safe(ish) environment. It's quite likely this will be the end for me.

But, it may not be. Who knows?

In any case, call it karma or tikkun, it is the same thing: I'm a rotten human being, and always have been. I've been trying, lately, but you don't erase the karmic debt of all the years before, spent in selfishness, irresponsibility, poor decision-making. It's come home and is settling on the corpse. Take up your cross, right? God forgives sins, but not karma - He forgives them their sins while chastising them, to paraphrase the psalm.

What has made it worthwhile is the people I've found - and all too often hurt. For this, I am truly sorry, to all of you, both in blogland and in real time. Especially James and my mother. This is my fire of repentance, and I have to pass through - everyone must pass through the gates of Hell alone.

The worst is my faithlessness. For all my talk of detachment, of mutual responsibility, of self-examination, what have I really done but whine and run away? These aren't evil people garnishing me, and they have no debt to me to worry whether I survive or not, so why do I feel it so unfair that they are "doing this to me?" It's ridiculous and childish. I owe them, they are fellow-man, and they are within their legal rights. I have spent my life and my intelligence foolishly and selfishly, worse, hypocritically. Where have I reached out to help others? Where have I made anything better? Where have I truly embrace Christ in His distressing disguise? When I leave this world, what then - what will be left behind? Nothing good, I fear.

I've made my Hell and I have to burn in it. Still, I am sorry for the times I denied the hand held out in need. I am sorry for the fellowship I neglected. It's all led to this, and a realization of how really alone I am and that it's my own fault.

THIS IS NOT A SUICIDE NOTE, JUST IN CASE YOU'RE THINKING THAT. I've sat, blade in hand, and couldn't do it. I don't have the courage, too much self-grasping. But, I am at the end of my own power and wits, and, unless someone has an idea, I'm just stuck, bobbing up and down til I don't come up again.

It's pathetic, and it's my own doing.


Here's the ape, just to lighten things up.

The Fall of Empires

With the coming election and the stock-market "crash," it's been on my mind.

What I think really causes civilizations to collapse, though, is when we stop being community. I see a lot of that, right now, and have seen it for quite some time, I realize.

Here's what I keep hearing, a la "Joe the Plumber" - what does it do for ME?

I have gay friends who say they will vote Republican - when I ask why, or rather, "How could you?!" they say, "Well, the Democrats just want to give all my hard-earned money to those n*****s (or illegals, or white-trash)!"

That's what it seems to boil down to with "conservatives," particularly, is me, my, mine. I'm sure there's a good deal of that amongs liberals, as well, but more among conservative Republicans. The rest of the world can go to hell, as long as I have mine. I especially see it in "log-cabin Republicans" who want to ensure their cash-flow, so that they can live down to the stereotype of the affluent, promiscuous, frivolous homosexual, happy to do so at cost to those who want to form families and stability.

"I don't want my paycheck . . . "
"I don't want my children . . . "
"I don't want my future . . . "
. . on and on.

Well, you've forgotten. You wouldn't have "your" paycheck and the things you buy with it without the hard work and patronage of those around you, including those "shiftless s.o.b.'s" your tax money goes to. That money doesn't happen because you generated it alone, and it has no meaning without others around you.

You're short-sighted. They're "your" children, only in the sense that you birthed and/or took responsibility for caring for them. They come into contact with and influence other children. They will grow up and the rest of us have to share a society with them, formed by them, influenced constantly by them. Your children are our neighbors!

You're blind. There is no "your" future, only "our" future - unless you plan on living out I Am Legend. What you do affects us all, and you've no right to expect that the entire civilization should cater to your comfort.

You want to see the "good ol' USofA" fall like Humpty? Just keep on with "me, mine, my" - the magic chant for killing empires.

Just a Song at Twilight

Walking home, this morning, the sun still barely making a purple glow on the horizon, I looked up into the branches of the oaks that line the streets here. They were black against the sky, and their shapes and the "white space" effect touched me, delighted me, somehow. I remembered, then, how such things delighted me as a child, not because of anything, just because they were. I was fearless, then, an odd self-contained little fellow, quiet, silent even. I remember my mother taking me out when we lived in Lawrenceville, gathering (seemingly) huge fall leaves, pasting them in a book and drawing faces, ever so lightly on them, her teaching me through that to love the leaves, to see connections and shapes in them, beauty - not because of anything, just because they were. I remember being puzzled as to the outing, but delighting in it, settling into the knowledge that if she and I were doing this, it must be enough.

Years have gone by - the fearlessness has been knocked out of that little fellow, fears aplenty showing themselves in all their gruesomeness as he moved out into the world. The self-containment has become withdrawal. Now, I would be anxious to know what the lesson is if someone took me out leaf-gathering, tense, calculating, "figuring it out." Still, without the fears, it is not bravery, just fear-less-ness. Without the withdrawal, there would've been no way to know the difference between true self-containment and the mere shell/story-making/movie-script everyone makes for themselves, not knowing because they were never labeled "withdrawn."

Creation. Fall. Resurrection.

Picasso (I believe) once said, "When I was young, I could paint like Raphael. It has taken me my whole life to learn to paint like a child."

Videos of the Day

"Today in Bollywood . . . " as Louella Parsons might say.



And, for those of us who love Looney Toons, a blast from the past:

here.

Even McCain Can't Keep Them Under Control

Grandmere Mimi has linked to this video.

Watch, and think of Frankenstein's monster.

McCain's Snarling Mob at Mimi's

BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!

From Rolling Stone:


The Truth About Sarah Palin

and Matt Taibbi's Mad Dog Palin (so I'm not the only one!)

Taibbi's piece is a great reflection, bitter as it must be, on the American "culture" that has allowed a Palin to rise to this point.

Two bits I love: Taibbi's description of her convention speech as "Gidget addresses the Reichstag" and this quote:

So, sure, Barack Obama might be every bit as much a slick piece of imageering as Sarah Palin. The difference is in what the image represents. The Obama image represents tolerance, intelligence, education, patience with the notion of compromise and negotiation, and a willingness to stare ugly facts right in the face, all qualities we're actually going to need in government if we're going to get out of this huge mess we're in.

Here's what Sarah Palin represents: being a fat fucking pig who pins "Country First" buttons on his man titties and chants "U-S-A! U-S-A!" at the top of his lungs while his kids live off credit cards and Saudis buy up all the mortgages in Kansas.

And, of course, Sarah, being a caricature, is the easiest target, but let's not forget the Republicans'Make-Believe Maverick, described in these words in the article by a former War-Planner for US air forces in Europe:

"McCain says his life changed while he was in Vietnam, and he is now a different man," Dramesi says today. "But he's still the undisciplined, spoiled brat that he was when he went in."

We're in Big Trouble

Look, I don't care how you feel about Obama, he really is the lesser of two evils. While you may not like some of his ideas, he is far less likely to be able to accomplish anything too massive.

On the other hand, when we come to McCain and Palin, they are truly dangerous.

Here, and see a perfect example of demagoguery, worthy of any Third World dictators.

And, his Evita.

Read, listen and inwardly digest, folks, and - as Lewis Black has said - if this still doesn't get through to you, you may need electro-shock.

There is no other way to put it: these are would-be dictators, a madman and a mad dog . . . with lipstick. They are whipping up a crowd so that, even if they lose, they can get a good little rebellion going. By the ballot box or by the ammunition box is what they're saying, folks, no two ways about it.

Read more about Palin, the champion of one-person-one-vote right here.

Note the quote from the local paper:

Mayor Palin fails to have a firm grasp of something very simple: the truth . . . Wasilla residents have been subjected to attempts to unlawfully appoint council members, statements that have been shown to be patently untrue, unrepentant backpedalling, and incessant whining that her only enemies are the press and a few disgruntled supporters of former mayor John Stein.

and this:

The director of the Alaska Wildlife Alliance says that her motto is ‘cut, kill, dig and drill’ and that she lives ‘in the Stone Age of wildlife management, and is very opposed to utilising accepted science’. For many voters, that’s ample reason to see her as a folk hero.

The crowds chant "Sarah! Sarah! Sarah!"

Sounds a lot like Juan Peron's wife and her cult.

You saw John McCain's speech, the cadence, the body language? You saw him lash out at Tom Brokaw? Refer to Obama as "that one?" His contempt, his rage.

COMPARE




There really is only one choice this time around - sadly.

Maybe, one day we'll be a democracy, but, for now, keep us from being a dictatorship.

Francesco's Gift

The Little Poor Man
Holds empty palms outstretched,
"Here!
It's yours, always was!
I just watched over it.
A precious thing;
Don't lose it!"
I sing songs of wordless wonder.

Bennison Trial

Ecclesiastical court recommends Charles Bennison be deposed.

Liberal or conservative, no one deserves a free pass on abuse of office and failure as a pastor.

If he is not deposed, the Reasserters will be outraged, but, in this case, so will I.

Depressing and Completely In Character

Now our neo-con friends have made a movie - no, not the execrable garbage Fireproof (produced by a vehemently anti-gay church here in my own town) - but An American Carol

Read some of the user comments. It's telling. The usual bully complex of the neo-cons - tough when in numbers "We're the American majority!" and pathetic and self-pitying when stood up to "We're soooo alone in Hollywood! Everybody mistreats us!"

Feh!

And, yes, Airplane was funny . . . but it wasn't trying to "say" anything and was made to appeal to people looking to suspend their intellect and just laugh. The fact that so many of the neo-con commenters compared Carol favorably to Airplane also backs up the bully hypothesis by showing a sophomoric level of political "commentary" is about their speed.

I don't like Michael Moore, and he doesn't do what he does for any reason other than to make money and build his fame, but, at least he shines a light on real corruption, and doesn't feel the need to make up tales with ghosts and uneven comparisons. He allows the people he lampoons to carry their own petard.

The part that makes me sad is the number of actors I liked and had admired who I will now be unable to support because of their involvement in this film and the rabid neo-con streak it shows in them.

Robert Davi
Kelsey Grammer
James Woods
Leslie Nielson
Jon Voight

I'm sorry that I'll never be able to watch one of your films again.

UPDATE:

Since I have received a personal note from one of the above-mentioned actors (and, yes, I'm quite willing to accept him at his word), I want to add a few things.

NOTE: I am not calling for a boycott of these actors! They are fine actors, very accomplished and talented. The worker deserves his wages and these are excellent workers! Even if I thought I had the pull or audience to call for such a thing, I would never call for the shunning, either professionally or socially of any individual. I am sure that they are decent, likeable people with good intentions, as well.

What I am stating here is my profound disappointment, even heartbreak, over seeing actors that I admire and follow actively supporting a regime, a world-outlook, which harms me and mine, which minimizes my humanity, strips me of my dignity and leaves me alone and threatened. Mr. Davi, you speak of feeling isolated in Hollywood . . . imagine how it would be to feel isolated, hated and threatened, physically as well as professionally in relation to your entire nation. I'm afraid that, actually, I am extremely conservative with a liberal outlook, and part of that conservativism is a deep distrust of my fellow man when in groups. I believe in the slippery slope, and when my most conservative acquaintances tell me that forced therapy, concentration camps, secret police, the illegalization of protest could never happen here, I tell them "It hasn't happened yet."

SECOND: I see in my writing that I have minimized the concern and alienation that these artists feel in their own community, and, as I despise it when I see others engage in such dismissals, I apologize. It was out of line and if you feel insecure, that is a call for my compassion, not my sarcasm.

Contemplation

Screen flickers behind eyes,
Films of terror and glory.
Mind writing poetry -
How clever I am!
Cat puts head on my knee,
Purrs.

Just this.